Twerve Days of Baseball

MORGAN:
Me (upon entering Pittsburgh): "This is the Steel City boys, drink it in. Drink it in...
Devo: "It ain't no Cleveland....or something"

Yup, that's right - we have both entered and left the 'Burgh since our last blog. Luckily, in between, we were treated to the beauty of a stadium that is PNC Park. I do declare it the nicest of the "new" baseball parks (sans Camden Yards, of course). City skyline views from your seat, romantic riverwalks, and cozy confines with plenty of good seats still available.
This brings me to my takeaway message: play it cool, Ushers. Remember those nice old gentlemen who used to wipe off your seat and greet you with a warm smile?? Well, they ain't at PNC. Those damn richers were on high-alert well into the 9th inning - harassing us whenever we tried to "move on up" Jeffersons-style.

"Let me see your ticket, I don't remember you", they would say. Well, let me say to this to you, kind sirs (while heavily slurring my words): "What, what, I thought this was America....you can't change seats in the 8th inning at a half empty stadium? I thought this was America..."

Game Related Tidbits:
- For a last place team with Ty Wigginton as their cleanup hitter, Pirates fans were surprisingly spirited and most of 'em stuck around to bitter end of a 6-3 game.
- Did I mention Pittsburgh's starting lineup included David Ross (Hek's friend Drone?) and some guy named Restovich? Godspeed Gents, godspeed. It might take some time to earn that nice ballpark you got there.
- the scoreboard was very 'theme-heavy"-- player photos had pirate eye patches on them, almost every announcement started and ended with the stereotypical Pirate gargle "aaaarrr", and most all writing was done in typefaces like "Ye Olde Courier" or "Treasure Map Bold".
Nevertheless, we enjoyed the people of Steel City, even The Damn Richers.



BIGGIE:

"On the road from Johnny Law Driving Update"- Devo just addressed the toll ticket machine with a come hither "helllloooo." So I can safely say that we made the most of our seven hours in Pittsburgh. First stop was HiTops, a heavenly sports bar with Iron City Pounders, IC LIght for the waist-watchers, and Pierogies for all. A Pierogy is basically a mashed potato mix inside a pasta shell so it is a lot like a dumpling, and it is a Steel City mainstay. We saw Big Papi's game-winning "tater" on a big screen satellite tv and learned more about the fine city of Pittsburgh from the attentive and informative wait staff ("I hope you like blondes.").


Her: "You're really complicated aren't you?"
Me: "I try not to be."

Final tally: Zero high-top shoes seen, five pierogies eaten, one factory of attractive women discovered, two extreme douche chills (both devo and ed inviting our waitress to come to chicago followed by her saying no immediately, backpedaling two steps and dropping her boyfriend into the conversation). Now we are on our way to Akron, OH for the night. Tell Anthony I love him.

ED:

I'd have to disagree with my co-workers and say that Pirates fans, all twerve of them, were not exactly the best in the world, and actually I'm not even sure if most of them were aware that a baseball game was being played. Which is understandable because somehow a group of minor leaguers showed to play as the home team, and the stadium is really quite nice, second only to SBC Park in San Francisco out of the ones I've been to. When we moved up to the richers section, there were a couple of guys yelling during one rally for everyone to stand up, but most people smiled at them politely and exchanged amused looks with their friends about these crazy folk who were standing and yelling.



But it was nice to be out of richers country where everyone bitches at their players if they have an off night (sorry Kaz Matsui), and into the land of Pennsyltuckians. Another Douche Chill to speak of in our Hi-Tops experience:

WAITRESS: OK, enjoy these beers.
MORGAN: Hey! Did you know that Virginia is for lovers, but Pennsylvania has Intercourse?
WAITRESS: (almost falling over backwards and reaching for her mase) What??!
MORGAN: You know... the t-shirt...there's a town called Intercourse in Pennsylvania...?
WAITRESS: (not following, but remembering she is paid in tips) Oh... um, thank you sir. (to some unseen person in the distance) What? OK, I'll be right over... (to us) Sorry guys, I have to run.

Needless to say her clothing was much less revealing when she returned.

OK, remember to spay and neuter your pets, and pray for us as we forage deeper into the sea of Red states... All hail King Bush!!