Twerve Days of Baseball

BIGGIE:

Officially six hours into day ereven of the trip, also known as the Odyssey of Odysseus. We've now had a chance to digest some the highs and lows of the trip and address some observations, thoughts and concerns that may not have fit elsewhere. We want to answer a mailbag, present a couple lists, and look for some overall themes from our experience.

First, Devo's Bad Joke of the Day:
Upon seeing some Amish people in Pennsyltucky climbing into a van: "It's only two horsepower."

Yesterday, my slide down the slippery slope of Biggie sizing myself finally plunged into an abyss. Breakfast: Carnitas Chipotle Burrito. Snack: Beef Jerky. Lunch: Six Sliders from White Castle, and a box of fries. Dinner: a Cheese Coney at the Pretty Good American Ballpark (consists of a chili dog with a huge helping of grated cheese on top (see picture). Second dinner: A bowl of Cincy's famous chili and a grilled cheese sandwich. I think I am going to go purge myself and reboot my digestive tract.


My mouth has now grown to twerve times its size.

Morgan's Road Ragin' Quotes:
When referring to another minivan in the fast lane - "Oh you have a cooler? Oh it's a family vacation? GET IN THE RIGHT LANE!!!"
Upon seeing a car in front of us slow down to exit - "Oh, that's what you're doing? Oh OK, then do that."
Other times when cars were too slow in the fast lane - "We can do this the easy way or the hard way." and "You wanna play games? Let's play games."
In reference to 'Banquet' by Block Party and 'Unconditional' by The Bravery - "This song is requires me to drive like a maniac."
When asked to quickly open the back windows to vent an especially pungent Bogart stinkbomb - "You can't spring that on me! You're asking me to do something I never learned how to do."
Because he loves old people - "Just because you're old, doesn't mean you can kill people."
To a Cadillac whose driver could not see over the steering wheel - "Who do you think is driving, a man or a woman? Oh, it's a seventy year old man... GET IN THE RIGHT LANE!"
On being confronted with tractor trailers in both lanes - "Make like Siamese twins and separate."
When the same tractor trailers wouldn't separate - "You are FUCKING me!"
While being cut off in Ohio - "You're not going to do- you did it, you just did it."

"I apologize to the State of Pennsyltucky for all of my transgressions and will promise never to wear my jean cutoffs in public again."

On a couple of occasions, Mojo and I posed for pictures with sports heroes of the past:

Phillies' pitching great Steve Carlton. The kids really liked his legs, MoJo liked his package.

Cubs announcer Harry Caray. "Hey Norm... if you were a hot dog... would you eat yourself?"

MORGAN:

There's a lot to cover boys and girls, but I can cover more ground that Jim Edmonds with a jet pack (thanks for signing my hat Jim!!)

A few things that slipped thru the cracks...

- Nicholas "Biggie" Dutton-Swain is a refined and accomplished athlete; however, on this trip, he flat out "shit the bed" on 2 chances to grab a game ball.
1) Pittsburgh, PA: Batting practice homer ricochets off a wall and spins directly toward the barehanded, but eager Mr. Dutton-Swain. I am standing inches behind him with my trusty glove ready for the grab. Biggie calls me off like a misguided left fielder and the ball spins right through his clasped hand and back onto the field. Ooops!
2) Cincinnati, OH: A freshly made-to-order foul ball floats toward our section. Is it coming at us?? Well, kind of...it's coming right at Biggie! And he has the whole aisle to circle under it and make the fair catch. The LargeMan, working on about 2.4 hours sleep, doesn't maneuver quickly enough and the ball drops onto the concrete, awaiting some MidWestern hick with splotchy facial hair. Better luck next time, Nick!

Devo was more prepared, but just unlucky at PNC Park.

My Driving Pet Peeves
- Overhead signs that instruct you to "Reduce Speed" but yet there is no need for speed reduction. This slows traffic and pisses me off. I also despise signs that give "Minute Updates" to let you know how far it will take to get somewhere. How 'bout you let me keep driving and find out for myself!
- Trucks in the left lane. I know there are laws in the works to outlaw Minivans (expect The HandiVan) from the fast lane, but big rigs have no business in my territory. Nut' said.
- Biggie drinks a lot...A LOT. Coffee, water, milk, hot smoothies, beer - he does it all.
We actually monitored his liquid intake for a full day and it was astounding. What does this all mean?? He needs to urinate a lot....A LOT. No group has ever had to stop for pee breaks on the road this much since the "Dixie Chicks" went on tour. So, we stopped every hour on the hour for Biggie to empty his unproportionally small bladder, despite chants of "Jug! Jug! Jug!" in hopes he would relieve himself in one his huge water jugs.

Some choice Pickup lines/Conversation starters:
1) "I have a trivia question...do you know how many fountains are in Kansas City?"

2) "Excuse me, do know where Hooters is? We're looking for free wings..."

3) "I saw you looking over here at me, I thought I should introduce myself. I'm Dallas" - "Dallas" to Devo in Philly

4) "We're going on a baseball road trip to Chicago, wanna come?"
Pittsburgh Waitress: "Ah, I need to go buy groceries tonight."

5) "Michael Barrett, you had a great game tonight!!" - said to a chick in Chicago wearing the jersey of the Cubs catcher who hit 2 homers that night.

6) "Hey Papi! I love your mango salsa!" - Devo to David Ortiz

7) "You're incredibly crisp...and also incredibly young" - said to an underage hottie in St. Louis.

St. Louis: Home to an old arch and some young ladies.

Some Middlebury College reminiscing:
Ed: "Remember 'Redesigning Chip'?"
Morgan: "Oh yeah, that was great. Hilarious."
Biggie: "What was 'Redesigning Chip'?"
Ed/Morgan: "I don't remember/Not really sure"

More ramblings and a mailbag still to come...